Small Wonder: The Loveless Clones
By Brett Fawcett
In the late 19th century, one of the greatest threats to mankind that came from America was the Loveless family. They were maniacal, malevolent scientists with a twisted sense of humour and a loathing of mankind because of it’s scorn against their physical quirks. Arliss Loveless had lost both of his legs, and Miguelito Loveless was a midget. Both of these appropriately named super-villains gave agents using the aliases James West and Artemus Gordon runs for their money.1 The latter of these two Loveless men, however, was obviously much more dangerous. Although he was tiny, he was aggressive, strong, and was not above biting his enemy’s groin to win a fight. He was also vastly more intelligent, and performed some of the earliest known experiments in dimension travel, as well as created one of the earliest examples of artificial intelligence.
However, his discovery which concerns us here relates to a secret which he, like many other brilliant minds in the Newtonverse, discovered: That of Immortality. Dr. Loveless’ associate, Dr. Maitland, discovered this particular formula for ever-lasting life while studying Lubbock’s Disease, which causes rapid aging. His research had showed him how to not only prevent fast growing, but stop it all together, by eliminating cholesterol; strengthening and preserving healthy cells, mainly blood cells. He shared this initial information with some of his colleagues, with Loveless, of course, being the most notable. It appears that he only gave him the skeletal information, however; if he ever intended to tell him the whole formula, we shall never know, as he was arrested shortly thereafter.
Loveless' genius, however, was sufficient for him to develop a whole new drug based on Maitland's research. It was successful, although it had a strange side effect. The cells of his body after taking the drug became intricately linked, supporting each-other to a point where they were dependant on each other. In other words, if one organ system were to be destroyed, the rest of his body would malfunction.
The discovery that he was immortal delighted Loveless. He now had eternity to build a criminal organization that would span across all the world and eventually envelop it. He would work his way up from his current location, by taking over several small towns and eventually larger ones, while his spies across the world formed bands that would grow and eventually merge in an international army that would startle an unprepared world. Without hesitation, he sent specific amounts of agents across the globe, planning to send instructions to them via telegram.
Unfortunately (or fortunately), his arrogance got the better of him, and his plan was a complete and utter failure. In England, his meager gangs were crushed by the already powerful and on-going Moriarty and Si-Fan organizations, and in America, the Mafia did the same thing. Although he did establish bases in the Middle East, it was uncivilized and uncultured at the time, and most of his men were killed by natives or succumbed to the rampant disease. He even failed to take over a single hamlet, as his efforts kept being thwarted by a cold-blooded wanderer with no fixed identity.2
I should take this time to mention another side-effect of the drug. As previously stated, all of Loveless' cells were connected. One of the strongest of these connections was between the hormonal cells and the cerebral ones. The hormonal cells were also closely connected to the testicles. In other words, any children he had would be very similar to him, both physically and mentally. His offspring would be criminally insane midgets. I believe I have identified three of his children, fathered during his first and failed attempt at world domination. One was John Macklin, fathered in England. Another was Anubis, born in Asia.3 Finally, in India, Loveless sired blowgun-wielding Tonga.4 These children grew extremely quickly and, on arriving at the biological age their father had been when they were born, nearly stopped aging altogether, another effect of the drug.
Eventually, Loveless decided that, instead of overthrowing the world from the underworld, he would take over it's government and rule it from there. He moved to Bermondsey, England and assumed a political position, probably under an alias. Slowly rising through the ranks, he began cleverly and quietly exhausting government money on illegal activities, causing the blame to fall on his superiors and the loss of their position. Eventually, he began to murder those in power above him, and his power only grew as he mastered the shady intrigue of political powers, often blackmailing his opponents and eventually forming a private political party which he intended to turn into a ruling class. Of course, there were leaks in the plans, one of them draining so far as to reach Baker Street. Sherlock Holmes investigated and learned of all of Loveless' former crimes, eventually deducing his true identity. He contacted his brother Mycroft Holmes, head of British Intelligence, to learn all he could about Loveless from records of American spy work. Loveless' criminal acts disgusted even Holmes, leading him to dub Loveless and his gang "the most malevolent figures ever to cross my path, with the possible exceptions of Professor Moriarty and Doctor Grimesby Roylott"5. Summoning Scotland Yard, Holmes incriminated and apprehended Loveless' gang, but their leader just barely managed to escape- with a gunshot wound.
Naturally, Loveless was beginning to waste away, and had nothing left to do but wander for the rest of his life. Somehow, he was discovered by a scientist named Dr. James Augustus Winter. Winter was a (supposedly) former criminal and spy, who worked for both Moriarty brothers.6 The second Moriarty brother was currently working for the British Secret Service, and the first (whom Winter preferred) was currently the head of KAOS.7
Winter had entered the field of science, as he was still in the second Professor's employment (despite keeping in close contact with the first), and had become an expert in the field of cloning. However, he still needed a human test subject, and Loveless conveniently arrived to serve as one. The first Professor caught wind of this, and recalled Loveless' name from when he was a colleague of Dr. Maitland. They discussed it, and decided that they would make a profit by spreading Loveless' DNA amongst the underworld. Perhaps against his will, Loveless was cloned- and killed in the process. The operation was otherwise a success, and Moriarty was given the clone as a slave. He instructed Winter to make multiple "copies" of the DNA, which he would advertise later. While making these "copies", they noticed and examined the drug, which had since bonded to his cells, and eventually learned that it made him immortal- and so his clones would also be. So, now Moriarty planned to advertise immortal genius dwarf slaves.
Winter secretly had other ideas. He wanted to clone himself, mixing his own DNA with Loveless', and eventually making an army of them. He would give them each names that were variations on his own. To make sure the DNA had not gone defunct, Winter made a second Loveless clone. The operation was successful, and Winter proceeded to make clone of both Loveless and himself. The results were strange, but successful nonetheless. The clone was as tall as Winter, as sadistic as Loveless, and his face had features of them both. Winter named him Jack Napier (a variant of James Winter) and stored him and the midget clone in tubes. However, they escaped to New York together. Napier became a comedian and later a villain, using aliases such as The Red Hood and The Joker, while the dwarf lived by the name Migeulto Loveless until finally tricking Cass R. Abbott, head of the Continental Air Network, into thinking that he was his long-lost son, thus becoming Miguelto Abbott, or Mickey for short. He did so in order to inherit Abbott's power and prestige, but this was lost when Abbott's resignation from CAN was marked with murder. Over the next thirty years, Mickey befriended the eccentric Cosmo Kramer, but when Kramer was imprisoned in Washington and Mickey was forced to give a testimony, he quickly changed his name to Arnoldo.8
Moriarty learned of this and was displeased, but dismissed it when it gave him an idea: Instead of promoting Loveless' clones, he promoted the DNA of a master criminal that could be mixed with other DNA. He decided to show an example (since the first had run away) and located a Japanese family called Mei, and took a DNA sample from them. I do not know which member of the family supplied the DNA, or if it was willingly or forcibly given, but I do know that Moriarty obtained it and mixed it with Loveless' DNA, resulting in a fierce Oriental dwarf who was dubbed Nick-Nack.9 Ironically, like most of Loveless' own operations, the idea was not successful, and eventually Nick-Nack was sold to a tri-niped circus performer named Nick Scaramanga, a crack shot who later became the world's best assasin, until being defeated by the only hit he couldn't carry out- the world's top spy, James Bond.10 Moriarty eventually got bored with the operation- and, in fact, crime in general- and retired from KAOS, leaving the Loveless clone in charge as the new Mr. Big. He continued advertising the DNA, but only got one buyer: Frau Farbissina, an agent of Dr. Evil. When her employer was rocketed into cryogenic freeze in outer space and she was instructed to clone him, she decided to mix his DNA with Loveless', and the result was Mini-Me.
Several years later, when Winter had been knighted Sir August DeWynter, his true employer, the second Professor Moriarty (currently using the alias of Mother) learned of the Loveless DNA, which he still had in his position, and decided it might be good for something. He began making clones who would work for the government. Most of them were set to work as janitors and "nurses" in the laboratories. During the process of one cloning, however, there was a bug in the equipment, causing the clone to be misshapen. Moriarty deftly handled the situation by assigning that particular clone to the role of the butler in his makeshift "village".11 Another was given as a secretary to Abraham Moth, the offspring of Sherlock Holmes.12 . And, although DNA mixing was not approved of, it was performed once, with an African-American agent known only as Agent J, real name James Douglas Henry III, grandson of James Douglas Henry, aka James West II. The result was a Gary Coleman look-alike, who was frozen until further use could be found for him.13
As far as I can tell, the cloning mission was aborted (perhaps considered cruel), and I have found no further evidence of any further clones.
If any information has been found to implicate any, please contact me with it. With thanks to Win Eckert, Dennis Power, and Brad Mengel.
1- For more information see "The Wold Wold West" by Dennis Power.
2- Ric Bergquist has shown that The Man With No Name (and several other gun-slinging killers) was, in fact, the immortal warrior Kane. It appears that Kane had no idea that the various townspeople he killed were, in fact, working for a higher power, and that he was preventing the conquer of the world.
3- Anubis encountered journalist Brian Woodville, who related his account to Sax Rohmer. It was subsequently published as "The Day the World Ended". Rohmer was the literary agent of Dr. Flinders Petrie, assistant of Sir Denis Nayland Smith, enemy of Fu Manchu- who was, ironically, one of the reasons Loveless didn't succeed in the first place.
4- Tonga was seen in "The Sign of Four", the second Sherlock Holmes novel published by Arthur Conan Doyle. The Sherlock Holmes Museum of 221-B Baker Street has discovered a rare photograph of Tonga, as seen on their website. I am still researching Tonga's connection to the novel "Under the Andes" by Rex Stout (later the literary agent of Sherlock Holmes' grandson, Archie Goodwin).
5- Roylott appeared in the Sherlock Holmes story "The Adventure of the Speckled Band". As I shall demonstrate in a future article, Roylott was, in fact, a Rutherford, and he had strong connections to the Mayans, which were later battled by Doc Savage. In "Sussex Interview", by P. M. Stone (included in "The Game is Afoot" by Marvin Kaye), Holmes told a reporter that he was including "The Affair of the Bermondsey Dwarf" as the bookend story to his much sought-after autobiography, "The Whole Art of Deduction".
6- For more information, see my "Professor Moriarty and the British Secret Service" and my upcoming "Hell Freezes Over: A Brief Biography of James Winter".
7- For more information, see my upcoming "KAOtic: The History of KAOS and CONTROL".
8- Mickey's history has close connections to Nero Wolfe. When Cass R. Abbott was about to resign from CAN, Peter J. Oddell, one of the candidates for the presidency, approached the drawer of Amory Browning, the other candidate for the presidency, with a small case of LSD, intending to dope his opponent's alcohol so that he would act foolishly at the election. Someone had already planted a bomb in the drawer, however, which exploded when it was opened, killing Oddell. Wolfe considered it the toughest case of his career, and it was published by his nephew, Archie Goodwin, as "Please Pass the Guilt". Also, the eccentric Cosmo Kramer was the great-nephew of Lionel T. Kramer, a police detective who frequently encountered Wolfe and actually investigated the Oddell murder (although in Rex Stout's published accounts his name was spelled Cramer). Cosmo's cousin, who shared his hairstyle, was a scientist, an agent of MAD leader Dr. Claw (for more information see my upcoming "Bits and Pieces" on cyborgs with government connections). For more information on Napier and Wolfe, see Dennis Power's "Marvelous, Fantastic Tales of the WNU: Batman".
9- The Mei family was strong, agile, intelligent, and coordinated, but how did Moriarty know of them in the first place, let alone know that their traits were genetic? His notorious treatise "The Dynamics of an Asteroid" was, in fact, a study of the effect of radiation from meteorite strikes on the human genes. He had traced his own lineage, and that of several others, to the Wold Newton meteorite strike, and was struck with the fact that the descendants of those present, including himself, were remarkable, and sought out to prove that it's crash had somehow affected those who witnessed it so that their offspring and descendants were physically superior. As part of his campaign, he tried to prove that the descendants of other meteor crashes had superior abilities. One of these was the 616 Lu-Ming yeuh meteorite of China, from which the Mei family was descended. Despite the failure of the book, he firmly believed in everything in it, and never forgot any of it's contents, which is how he knew that he should locate the Meis. For more information, see Dennis Power's "Marvelous, Fantastic Tales of the WNU: Superman".
10- This was chronicled in the 007 novel and film adaption "The Man With the Golden Gun" by Ian Fleming. For more information see Dennis Power's upcoming installment of "Shaken But Not Stirred: Unblended Bonds".
11- See "The Prisoner". I intend to write an article on the various observation programs of the second Professor.
12- For more information, see "Son of Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Woman in Red", and my upcoming "Detectives Un-Watched", an expansion on Brad Mengel's excellent "Watching the Detectives".
13- Again, see the excellent "Wold Wold West" by Dennis Power, as well as the film adaption of "Wild Wild West". Agent J was a member of the MIB. In "Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery", Gary Coleman's name is printed on one of the cryo-chambers.
© 2003 Brett Fawcett